Jehovah’s Witnesses on My Porch
Posted By Carrie Thore on August 10, 2011
Freya as a kitten.
A couple of weeks ago, Jehovah’s Witnesses came to my house. I did not invite them like I had invited the Mormons. Christianity is the most popular religion where I live. Baptists and Methodists are the most common, but there are fringe denominations, too. I know I’m categorizing Christians based on denominations, but that is how they wish to have themselves identified. The whole of Christianity makes very little sense to me, but that is a conversation for another day.
Well anyway, the Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door right when I came home from school. The man and woman were probably around 50 years old. I talked to them for a little while, but then I became somewhat annoyed and let them face the “wrath of Carrie.” Normally I’m very patient with people who are trying to evangelize me, but on that day, I was impatient and maybe a little arrogant.
Here is sort of how the conversation went:
Man: “Hi, we would like to speak to you about Jesus Christ.”
Me: “OK.”
Man: “You have a beautiful house and garden with a nice view of the mountains.”
Me: “Thanks! Yes, I do like it here very much.”
Man: “Despite all of these things. Do you feel unfulfilled with your life or sometimes not content with all you have?”
Me: “No, I’m usually a pretty happy person. I enjoy my life and I am fairly content with what I have.”
Man: “But there are people who are not as lucky as you. Have you noticed how much suffering there is in the world today? There have been so many earthquakes, wars and death. There has never been another time of such mass suffering. We believe that it is a sign that the end is near.”
Me: “I just finished watching a documentary about the bubonic plague. Imagine watching one-third of all the people you know die from such a terrible virus. Or watching your children die an agonizing death covered in sores and coughing up blood. At no other time in history have people lived so long and in such health. There are fewer wars now than ever before. People are more prepared for natural disasters through advanced warning systems.” (I then looked at the woman) “Women also enjoy more freedom than they have ever had in human history. In the not so distant past, you could have been burned as a witch because you have blonde hair.”
Man: Looking confused, “Aside from the plague, do you see how much suffering there is in the world today?”
Me: “No.”
Man: “Let me recite a passage to you, Our Father which art in Heaven hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come Thy will be done…”
Me: “In earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever. Amen.”
Man: “So, you know the passage? As you can see it mentions Heaven. Do you think that our life on earth is anything like Heaven?”
Me: “How do you know this is not Heaven and we should be thankful for already arriving?”
Man: Confused.
Me: “I believe that the passages about Heaven are talking about the physical heavens which exist above us in what we call the sky. The passages in the Bible which speak about signs and heaven are talking about the stars, moon and the sun. There are astrological stories in the heavens which we are unfamiliar with in these days but were familiar stories to the men who wrote the books and epistles contained in the New Testament.”
Man: (He then read a passage out of the Book of Revelation about signs.)
Me: “Do you see how it is all related to ancient astrology?”
Man: “So, you don’t believe Jesus existed?”
Me: “I have no idea if there was a man named Jesus who lived 2,000 years ago, but I do think that the stories surrounding his life are related to the passage of the sun through the zodiac.”
Man: “Do you believe in God?”
Me: “I believe in God, but not in an anthropomorphic one. I do not believe in a deity which created the universe can be understood by our little brains.”
Man: “But in the Bible He…”
Me: “There you go. You just created a pronoun for your deity. You have just placed your god in a box and limited it so that it is now a He. I do not like the limited deity that you believe in.”
Woman: (Changing subject back to suffering) “What about those people who do not have the hope of Heaven, and have suffered so much in this life?”
Me: “Um… which afterlife are you talking about? In I Samuel, Saul goes and speaks to a witch in Endor about the outcome of his war and Samuel came up from the ground. The passage shows that the view of an afterlife has several different meanings in the Bible.” (Side note: Easy way to remember that story is to think of Endora from Bewitched.)
Woman: (She was much more knowledgeable of the Bible than the man because she gave the right answer for her belief system.) “But Heaven was not opened until Jesus’ Ascension.”
Me: “When Satan and God made a bet over Job, the conversation took place in Heaven. Why would I want to have anything to do with a deity that makes bets with Satan?”
Woman: “But the Bible says that Satan fell from Heaven in the Book of Revelation.” (I liked the fact that she was a Bible nerd, but it wasn’t really an answer to my question. I did not tell her that the Dragon is also a constellation.)
Man: (Wanting to leave) “Do you read a lot of books?”
Me: “Yes, I do read quite a bit.”
Man: “Can I give you some literature?”
Me: “Sure, but I have already read the entire Bible, so you should really save your Bibles for someone else. You two are from the Watchtower Society, right?” (They never said outright that they were Jehovah’s Witnesses.)
Man: “Yes, we are.”
Me: “I would love to have your pamphlets. I have a huge box filled with books and papers from Christians who would leave literature on the tables from when I waitressed. I don’t have a lot from Jehovah’s Witnesses, though, but I would like to add your booklets to my collection.”
Them: (Leaving the porch and stepping over my cat.)
Me: “Her name is Freya after the Norse goddess. Many people used to worship the goddess, Freya, but now it has been reduced to a cat’s name.”
About the author
Oh Carrie
I bet they had a lot to say about you when they left. At least you were nice to them. Our old neighbor once run a couple Jehovah’s Witness off with a shotgun…
I was fairly nice to them, but I also wanted to make sure that they knew I did not agree with their view of a deity.
This whole Christianity thing is nothing more than a business. If money was not involved, then Christianity would not exist. It is all just a sham to cheat the elderly out of what little money they have. Maybe that is all religion has ever been.
My last comment indicated a little annoyance with the Christian business world.
In other news…
I’m going to summarize the Koran. Which spelling do you like better Quran or Koran? So far it seems a lot less violent than the Bible. I actually enjoy reading it more than the Bible but maybe that is just because it is unfamiliar.
I’ll be interested to read about the Quran. I like the “Q” spelling the best.